Happy 241st birthday, Marines!

This is an old article, but I liked it so much, I figured I'd republish it for this year's 241st birthday and just change it from 240, to 241.
Happy Birthday Marines!
The Marine Corps' 241st birthday is right around the corner, and we are still as hardcore as ever. In the tidal wave of ever softening military standards, the Marines hold their own as a branch of the US military that just won't back down.
Every year, tradition dictates that the Commandant of the USMC must give a birthday message. Well, this year, I decided that I'd give my own message by proclaiming the M240 machine gun from atop the LAV's roof.
Imagine yourself as a terrorist. Just minding your business, planning your next roadside bomb. When, suddenly, you hear a convoy of diesel trucks rolling your way. Your bomb isn't planted yet, but you've got your AK47 with you, so you figure it might be a good idea to sneak up on the Grunts to take out a few of America's finest before you get to meet your virgins.
But, there's a problem. The one thing you didn't consider, is that this convoy isn't just made up of Grunts. This convoy sports the world's premiere fighting force: The United States Marine Corps.
Unfortunately for you, your soon to be dead ass doesn't realize that the 240 medium machine gunner has a head sitting upon a swivel. Always on the lookout for the enemy, sitting in the truck's turret, is a monster capable of spitting out a .30 caliber cartridge at a rapid rate of fire of 200 rounds per minute.
Oohrah?
This means that you're dead before your brain ever even registered the first round leaving the steamy-hot barrel.
Just before your terror-loving ass looses its last breath of air from the countless holes filling your body, you think: Well, at least my buddies are up the road about a mile away, they'll hear the commotion and come running, for sure. Won't they?
LOL. Unfortunately for them, if they do come running, they'll just die tired because maximum effective range of the M240 machine gun is just over 1 mile.
Happy Birthday Marines! Stay sharp and keep a watchful eye. If you drink, don't drive. And if you drive, don't drink. Put your poncho on when needed, and tell Suzy R. I said hi. Oh, and if you see that bastard Jody, tell him I'm looking for him and will meet him behind the 5-ton line.
Carry on.
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