Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

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Think you could survive a horror movie? Check out this article to learn what horror movies can teach us about everyday survival.

The Survivalist's Guide to Horror Films

In the blink of an eye, everyday life can turn into a nightmare. Ordinary situations can become a struggle for life and death. Don’t let fear or lack of preparation stand in the way of your survival. With Halloween just around the corner, there’s no better way to prepare than by binge watching your favorite horror movies. If you’re ready to survive a horror movie, you’re ready for anything life might throw at you. So what can horror movies teach us about everyday survival?

Slasher Films

What can a slasher horror movie teach us about survival? For starters never let your guard down. Situational awareness will keep you safe from knife wielding maniacs 99% of the time. If you perceive danger, listen to your guts and play it smart. Once you establish there’s a killer on the loose don’t split up or go anywhere unarmed. And ALWAYS finish off your attacker when you have the chance. Follow these rules of survival and you might just make it to the end of the movie.

Halloween (1978)

halloween Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

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Perhaps the most famous of all the slasher films, Halloween set the standard for babysitters being stalked by escaped lunatics. If you ever find yourself alone in your house being harassed by an psycho, your best course of action is to STAY CALM. Running around and panicking will only get you killed. If you don’t have a weapon, make one, then find a good spot to ambush your attacker. The only reason that Jamie Lee Curtis survives and her friends don’t is because she fights back and stabs Michael Myers in the eye with a coat hanger. This is a good example of why you should always carry some sort of basic protection. You never know who might be watching you through the window.

Friday the 13th (1980)

friday-the-13th Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

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Another classic tale about a group of teenagers being picked off one by one by a maniac. The easiest way to survive at camp crystal lake is to abstain from premarital sex or drug use. Failing this, your best bet is safety in numbers. Never go anywhere alone or let your friends go off alone. If you are attacked, fight back as a group or get the hell out of there together.  In later sequels, Jason Voorhees replaces his mother as the slasher and is an un-killable berserker. My advice is still the same: work together, fight back, and get the hell out.

A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)

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How do you defeat a monster that kills you in your dreams? Don’t go to sleep.  Your best defense against Freddy Kruger is to stock up on coffee and cigarettes. Unfortunately, you can’t stay awake forever, so plan B is to get the hell away from Elm Street. If your friends are dropping like flies, it’s time to hit the road. Unfortunately, there’s no way to kill Freddy. He’ll always be back for another sequel, so it’s up to you to become a dream warrior. Start a dream journal and learn to control your nightmares. It’s only after you stop being afraid, that Freddy can no longer hurt you.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

the-texas-cahinsaw-massacre Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

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When dealing with redneck cannibals, always carry a gun. The last thing you want to do is fight off an attacker wielding a chainsaw without a firearm. Also never pick up hitchhikers and drive them to their creepy backwoods farmhouse like this horror movie, this is just asking for trouble. If you do find yourself a prisoner of demented hillbillies, do whatever you can to escape. No one is going to save you but yourself. The longer you wait, the better your chances are of being turned into chili.

Alien Films

Fear of the unknown has always played a big role in horror, and nothing is more unknown than aliens. Whether they come here peacefully or silently plot to make us their slaves, never trust anything from space. If you’re lucky, they will all get wiped out by the common cold. But just to be on the safe side, you should probably carry a shotgun, for close encounters.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

invasion-of-the-body-snatchers Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

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Just like Freddy Kruger, they get you when you sleep. There’s no way to tell who is or isn’t a pod person until it’s too late. You’re better off bugging out and living off the grid, then fighting a losing battle against our new alien masters. I recommend finding an island somewhere you won’t be bothered or anywhere without people. If you can’t get away, just fake it. As long as you don’t show any emotion you should be fine. You’ll have to make some changes to your life, but isn't that what society is all about anyway.

The Thing (1982)

the-thing Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

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John Carpenter’s remake of this horror movie is one of the scariest films of all time. Being trapped in the arctic circle with a shape changing monster doesn’t give you many options. Just like the body snatchers ,anyone could be a thing. Whats even worse is you could be a thing and not even realise it. If you’re going to survive, it’s vital that everyone sticks together. The thing only gets you if you are alone with it, so no going anywhere by yourself. You should also prepare your own meals. All it takes is one drop off alien blood and you’re a gonner. When all else fails, burn your shelter to the ground. When Kurt Russell realizes that he can’t survive, he makes sure nobody does.

Aliens (1986)

aliens Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

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Even if you are loaded down with guns and harsh language, never underestimate your enemy. The space marines learn this the hard way. They are so cocky that they stroll right into the hive of a superior enemy and get their asses kicked. Don’t make the same mistake, instead of walking into a trap, let the enemy come to you. By refusing to accept that they are dealing with an intelligent lifeform, they screw everything up.  It’s only by listening to a little girl, that they are able to prolong their existence by retreating into the vents. And when all else fails, nuke em’ from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

Zombie Films

Perhaps the most popular type of horror movie, zombies are a staple of modern culture. But the Living dead have always fascinated us, the fear of what happens to us after we die. Or is it that zombies represent the part of ourselves we refuse to accept. The mindless urge to consume and reproduce.  Either way it’s us against a world full of zombies, so what can we learn from watching these types of movies?

Dawn of the Dead (1978)

dawn-of-the-dead Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

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George A. Romero’s classic about a group of survivors taking refuge in a mall can teach us a lot. The main lesson here is that no matter how bad it gets, your biggest threat is other humans. The zombies are pretty easy to avoid, and with a little maneuvering, can be strategically relocated. It’s the gang of bikers that ruins everything when they smash through the barricade and let the zombies back in. In the film Flyboy is killed because he refuses to surrender the mall they worked so hard to take. This is another important lesson of the zombie apocalypse, just because something belongs to you, does not mean you have to die for it.

28 Days Later (2003)

28dayslater Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

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While the “zombies” in this film aren’t dead, they still have the same effect on society. Just like Dawn of the Dead, the real threat to the survivors is humanity. Having narrowly escaped a horde of infected Londoners, Jim and gang are rescued by the military. Everything is fine until Jim realizes he is about to be murdered so the army can have his women. The lesson here is don’t trust authority. If you survived this long, you are probably better off on your own.

The Evil Dead (1981)

the-evil-dead Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

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If you’re going to spend the night in a cabin in the woods, don't read from any obscure occult books you find. And definitely don't hit play on the tape recording of those books.  Ash learns this the hard way when he unknowingly summons a demonic force from the Necronomicon. One by one his friends are possessed by evil and have to be dismembered. This is where having a trusty chainsaw and shotgun come in handy. When you’re friends come back from the dead, don’t hesitate to send them put them back in the ground.

Ghost Films

Being trapped in a haunted house is extremely unlikely in the real world, but it happens all the time in horror movies. Ghost are everywhere and are extremely pissed off. Avoid them at all cost unless you have no choice. Unlike zombies, you can’t just shoot them in the head and be done with it. Would you know what to do if faced with a vengeful spirit?

Poltergeist (1982)

poltergeist Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

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First mistake: don’t buy a house built on a Native American burial ground. There’s a reason the property value is so low. If you do find yourself in this situation, try to show the spirits who is boss. If the ghost are freaking out your kids or making the trees come to life, it’s time to get some payback. Try playing loud music nonstop or invest in a pack of dogs to go crazy in your house. This should give the ghost something to think about the next time they want to mess with you.  If all else fails, burn your house to the ground.

The Shining (1980)

the-shining Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

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Study Jack Nicholson’s face in this movie. If you see this look on the faces of friends or family members, beware. They are probably about to snap and ax murder you. The Shining is all about the dangers of isolation. Sure there are ghost, but the real monster is boredom. If Jack had relaxed a bit more maybe he wouldn’t have tried to chop up his family. When planning for a survival situation, make sure to bring a book or a deck of cards. If you find yourself talking to ghost, maybe it’s time to head back to society.

Survival Lessons

Halloween is the perfect time to remind yourself what it’s like to be scared. Even though you probably will never have to fight off a ghost or a zombie, the lessons these movies teach us about survival are universal. Being prepared for the worst is more than just having a plan, it’s about paying attention to your surrounding and always being vigilant. Fear is your worst enemy, once you have conquered it, you will be unstoppable.

So what is your favorite horror movie? Leave a comment and let me know which ones scare you the most and how you would survive. Happy Halloween!

Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

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3 Responses to :
Slasher Film Survival Guide: How To Survive A Horror Movie

  1. Mickey H. says:

    Awww heck, you didn’t mention how to survive if it’s killer vehicles such as in The Wraith, Duel, Maximum Overdrive, Christine or (my favorite vehicle one), The Car.
    Thanks for the laugh!

  2. marcus says:

    nice but you forgot “The Blob”

  3. marcus says:

    almost forgot “The cars that ate Paris”

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